I know I have been slacking lately, I have been avoiding this blog. I hate to vent on here, and act like I have this horrible life and horrible story, and about how unlucky I am,, when in all reality, my nightmare is someone else's walk in the park. I am in my staying positive mode, but how long can a person sit idle in this state... I know it's so easy for you to say, It will happen, Your time is coming, but dang, I don't really want to hear your prediction on when God will decide to bless me with a child. A child to call my own. I am just hitting rock bottom this week, and it's time for me to pick myself back up, once again, throw on a happy face, and hope this doesn't happen for another month or so.
I am sitting here drowning in my own pity pool party, when I should be rejoicing good health, and how lucky I am to be alive ad breathing...
How selfish am I?
I have a lot going on right now, my life has been up and down, more than ever I am missing my brother. I just wish I could run to him every time I am upset and lay down next to him and watch tv like we used to be able to. I am so happy for him and what he is experiencing, I just wish he was a hop and a skip away, not 5 hours. I decided to join weight watchers about 3 weeks ago, and so far so good. It is easier than I thought, but requires a great amount of dedication and self control. I am doing pretty good, or at least I think so. My total weight loss is up to 7.4 lbs. I know that's not a great amount but it's a start. I have also been exercising 3-4 days a week. I am quite proud of myself. I am not on a diet, I am involved in a lifestyle change. I have always had weight problems, but not to the extent I am facing now. It seems as if marriage brought out the worst in me when it comes to eating habits. I found myself comfortable with Michael and began enjoying food even more, 50 lbs later, i looked in the mirror think no this cant be. My infertility specialist has told me that diet and exercise can trigger ovulation alone, so as of now, I have decided to leave the fertility medicines alone and try and focus God's will for me and getting a healthy baby ready body. I go back to my doctor on Tuesday so I will know more then about my pcos and be able to give you a better objective for me over the next several months. I am hoping by July to be a different person physically and a happier more confident person emotionally and mentally. Then at the time, Michael and I will start with fertility medicine. We are both avidly praying for a bundle of joy naturally and appreciate your prayers as well.
Thank you for all of you who are there for me with your sweet uplifting encouraging words. God has blessed me with amazing people to help keep my faith in him stronger than ever.
On a heavier note, I want to take this time to introduce you to a sweet caring girl Carly I know. Please keep her in your prayers, she is 17 and was diagnosed with cancer a couple of weeks ago, something nobody seen coming. I have been talking to her almost every day trying to spread some encouraging words for her to help keep her going and i know she would love your prayers. She started her first round of chemo tonight, I will keep you updates on Carlys long, hard struggle to battle cancer as she faces the hardest time of her life the next several months.
I have some fun and exciting blog ideas so I will be sharing some interesting post's with you, and I hope you enjoy them and play along with me...
Thanks for listening to my ramblings, and putting up with me..
I love you all!!
In God's Name,
Here is a couple of new pics taken of me by my good friend Jaime (without her, my life would be a mess.. She gives me hope for the future with her love and compassion.. and shes share her little prince with me,, we all need baby love..) *wink*
This is me February, hopefully in July I will be able to post some pics of me looking quite different!!