Saturday, November 29, 2008

Seis Mas Dias

6 more days until I am reunited with my heart... So last night was okay, different but ok.. Carries company definitely helped me get through the night... I spoke with Michael a few minutes this morning and they were not quite there yet,, could you imagine, 24 hours strait of driving, no sleep, only stopping for bathroom breaks and food.. What determination a man has when it comes to hunting. I was lazy this morning, laying around with Dixie while carrie caught up on her beauty sleep. Then I went to my moms and we decorated her christmas tree, then she came to my house with me and we decorated my tree.. It's so perfect,, I love it... I wasnt going to do a tree but with Michael being gone, I wanted to take the extra time and put one together. I am so glad I did though.. Then we watched sisterhood of the traveling pants number 2,, a tradition of ours.. I am still sick, and starting to feel worse and worse as the hours go by!! Nite nite!!

Only crazy people

go shopping on black friday, and this year I decided to join in. Michael was up and at it very early this morning, around 5 am, rushing around the house preparing for his journey with the guys. As I quietly climbed out of bed, I felt my heart beginning to ache, I new this was the day, I felt sick to my stomach but I was going to be strong, STRONG for him since I knew he already had doubts about leaving me. I kissed him, and gave him the huge hug saying, I love you baby, come back home to me, I'll be waiting for you. =) Last night we did our nightly devotional and what a great story it was, about a couple to made it their goal to never leave each others sight without knowing they loved each other. One morning on the wifes birthday the husband left her a note saying how much he loved and appreciated her, as he slipped out the door to head to work, trying not to wake her, she heard the sound of this car crank up, so she threw on her house coat, rushing out the door and caught his attention, signaling for him to wait, he rolled down the car window and she leaned in saying i love you, with a big kiss, and he smiled and told her the same. That day her husband, her love, was taken from her, his life was claimed in a car accident on the way home from work. She was asked years later how she was doing, and how shes survived the loss of her husband and she said, our last words to each other was, I LOVE YOU. It was such a reminder of how you may not ever see that person again, and to make sure you cherish every moment spend with one another. It made me really respect my husband, and I knew last night this week wouldnt be easy for me. So after watching my hubby pull out of the drive, I felt the tears streaming down my face, but I knew it would be ok. I got a shower, threw on some clothes, and rushed to callahan to meet my aunt and uncle at the Hardees for some grub. After breakfast we headed out for a day full of shopping. We hit up, hobby lobby, the regency mall, the avenues, the town center, river city, and last but not least walmart.. But we got some great deals and had tons of fun.. It was nice spending the day with my aunt and uncle. Carrie and Dixie came over that night to stay with me and keep me company, we had tons of girl talk and i enjoyed playing with baby dixie....

7 more days!! =(

Friday, November 28, 2008

Thanks + Giving= Great Food =)

So,, today was Thanksgiving day. We all look forward to this day year after year, but this day was quite different for me this year. Instead of anticipating all of the yummy food that would be ate, I was dreading the day that would follow this event. Michael was leaving bright and early to head to Kansas for his hunting adventure.. Now I know this may sound crazy, and childish, but when you have been living with your husband for 3 years, going on 4, and you have never EVER spent one night away from each other, the next 7 days are going to be quite tough. ;) Unfortunately I was extremely sick on Thanksgiving day, because yesterday, I went to the ear specialist, and had to have a tube out in.. No fun.. Yucky Ears!! So my day consisted of sleeping in, cleaning up around the house, Going to Mrs. Jenetta's for lunch (michaels mom) coming home, taking a nap with my sweet heart, then going to my dads for dinner. We then came home and cherished the last moments we would be spending together. What a special night it was. It made me realize just how much I was going to miss this man, and how much I appreciated everything about him. Off to bed now,, time to go love on my hubby before he leaves..


Monday, November 24, 2008

Facing the Giants

God works in mysterious ways, we all know that, but do we truly believe that. As you have read my struggles and concerns you know where I currently stand with the baby process. Of course those desires have not disappeared, I still feel them everyday, every time I get lost staring at another child, every time I see my husband play with a friends child, every time I am asked, When are yall going to have kids.. It never leaves, but with God's comfort and his hand upon me, the last 2 weeks has been far easier than the last 1 year of trying. I have felt 100% at ease and comforted with God's decision and the direction he is leading my life. As I was strolling through Movie Gallery the other day, I decided to grab this movie, titles Facing the Giants, little did I know it's meaning, and the impact it would have on my life. Facing the Giants is a outstanding, Christian Based film that entails all of life's struggles and is based on a high school football coach who is having problems with his job and family. Him and his wife have been trying to get pregnant for several years with no success, and his job is going downhill. If you have never seen this movie, I suggest you wrap up with a blanket and dedicate a night to it. It is truly one of the greatest movies I have ever seen, it may have touched me more with the synopsis, but it's great. There was one part which was very memorable to me, it was a statement said by a character in the movie, he said, "I heard of a story of two farmers praying to God for rain to come. Both prayed but only one prepared the land. Who do you think trusted God more to send the rain?" It made me think to myself, am I truly preparing my land, is my womb ready for God's rain? After watching the movie Saturday night and spending some serious time in prayer, I felt even more at peace. Michael and I also started making doing a daily devotional at night, its called night light, it's a short devotion every night before bed, about God and Marriage, and how to include love in the mist of everything else life throws at us. I am excited to see what our future hold's by taking the extra 5 minutes at night to spend time together in god's word with each other. With all of the exciting things going on in life right now, I got a unexpected call tonight from my Daddy. OUt on his weekly visitation he came across a couple who has journeyed down the road that I am currently on as far as infertility goes, after speaking with them, and praying for them, and even leading her husband to the lord, she said she has left over follistim, which I CAN HAVE. Do you realize what this mean, depending on how much she has, I can proceed with my ovulation induction for hardly nothing. What a blessing, I will keep you updated once I find out exactly what how much of what she has. Anyways, remember when you are facing your own giants that God does listen, give him your struggles and he will solve them for you. We spend so much time and despair trying to fix things alone, when we have God to help.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Spending time with Daddy

Good Morning. Let me first say I woke up to the smell of fresh cooked eggs. Oh, I how miss the days of waking up to my Daddy's cooking. I would give almost anything to go back in time (taking Michael of course) and enjoy every minute with my Mommy and Daddy instead of running the roads as an avid teenager. I am 22, and I abruptly realized that last night while sitting at the dinner table. My Dad's wife, Mrs. Sarah is the proud parent of a 16 year old daughter, Miss Maise Danielle Martin, who is beginning to show the deleterious ways of a teen. Last night when I arrived to my dad's miss maise was in a fit because she wanted to go out, of course it was a Friday night, the night air had rise while the sunny sun lowed leaving nothing but, driving in the dark, behind the wheel of the car on maise's mind. Who would of though I was ever that way, not that there is anything wrong with it, I guess every teenager must go through that stage of thinking that the parents are the worst thing that ever happened, but it was a rude awakening to the fact that I am 22 years old. You know that ole saying,, you'll see one day, when you have a kid of your own. What was I thinking, lol, I am terrified of that day, I already see. So many times I feel ashamed for the choices I made, the mistakes I indulged in, the sins I have committed, but I have to remind myself that, all of the wrongs is what made me right today. Needless to say, i dread the day that my 16 year old child looks at me with the disgust in the eyes, that I looked at my parents with. Mom and Dad, I am truly sorry for every heartache I have ever caused you, I hope you know that if i could go back and change the world, I would spend every minute of my time with you. I love yall both with every part of me. Last night was a great night, and some much needed time spent with my Daddy. Now, what most of you don't know, is I see my daddy every single day for 8 hours straight, we work together, and I should appreciate that more than I do. You get caught up in your job and focused on what you should be doing, what I am getting paid to do, and I sometimes don't show the affection to my father that I should. This is another challenge I am introducing to myself. It is going to be my goal to every day of the week, stop in all of the hustle and bustle, take a glance at that sweet man, and let him know just how much I love him. You might say it's easy, no big deal, but when you work with your parent it make's your relationship harder, because you begin to look at them as another employee, and not as the parent they really are. So from this day forward, I promise to myself, to respect, honor, and love the father that God has blessed me with. Not every girl or boy is as lucky as me, many children are left in this world without the love of a parent, and I have 2, 2 parents I tell you, that love and adore me,, So it's time to show them the respect they both deserve. It's long overdue that I let my parents know THEY ARE LOVED. With that said, I am going to get off here, and go spend some more time with my daddy, while I have that opportunity.

I'm out, have a great weekend guys!!

Luv yall,

Caring and Compassionate,
Brittany =)


Oldies, but they are always the best right?
I miss those days!!

Friday, November 21, 2008

Family Time

Well, this week has been a pretty good week, and I am in much need of some R & R tonight. Michael is leaving the day after Thanksgiving to go hunting in Kansas, which I am pretty sad about still, since this will be the first time since dating that hes went away. In the past 3 years we have spent one night away from each other, and i could hardly stand it, so 5 nights is going to be very hard for me. I know I will make it though, I keep asking him if he is sure he wants to leave me, *wink wink*, but I get the definite Yes answer every time.. Man, oh man, what am I going to do a whole week without my husband.. lol.. The brighter side to the sad gloomy picture is, I will get to catch up with some of the people I often leave neglected.. I plan on spacing my time out and making sure to catch up with my girls.. I already have a full packed schedule,, I am hanging with Alicia one night, Carrie one night, Mommy one night, Heather one night, and then we will see what my future holds... haha! On another note, I am extremely cheerful and happy today, which is something I have not been in a while. Of course im not unhappy everyday of my life, but inner happiness is something I tend to lack. Astonishingly, the baby issue hasn't really been on my mind lately! I normally would think about it often, or even cry, I am have been tear free for a week now, except for happy tears during Zanes arrival. I beginning to be okay with the fact that this hasn't happened.. Don't get me wrong, I still want it more than ever but I am learning that patience is the key... Normally, when I would find out another friend is prego, I would get upset, and envy them, but now, i am Happy for them.. Anyways, tonight will be fun, I am going to my Daddys to stay the night and spend time together, and best of yet my hubby is going..

Have a good day everyone!! =)

Happy and Loved,

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

The sweetest sound...

Well, today was in fact one of the most anticipated, nerve wrecking days of my life.. =) I am normally not the anxious type of person but today was a different story.. As most of you know, i have been patiently waiting for the arrival of my best friend Jaime's child over the last few months... Well today was the scheduled c section date. Let me go back and start with the eve of Zane's arrival.

Tuesday November 18, 2008

After work, I went by Winn Dixie to gather a few items, so I could then go home and prepare a spectacular dinner for Dean and Jaime. I wanted to be a good friend, and try to ease a little more stress off of Jaime's shoulders. I just knew that if I was going in to have a child, i would probably not feel like cooking dinner the night before. I made a few of Jaime and Dean's favorites, our meal consisted of homemade chicken and dumplings, chicken and rice, mac and cheese, cheese cake topped with delicious cherries. Man was is good.. After dinner, I painted Jaime's nails, so her hands would look perfect in pictures with little man, and then was sat around and relaxed while watching some TV. Just passing time with good friends.

Wednesday November 19, 2008

Beep, Beep, Beep, is what I woke up to at 3:15 this morning, it was time to get up.. As much as my body didn't agree with that theory I still sluggishly jumped out of bed and hit the shower. What a cold awakening, =). After I got out of the shower Jaime called to check and see if I was up, and assured me once again, that today was the day.. (she has been on the countdown) I got ready, and we headed out, arriving @ st. Vincents hospital at 5 am, we headed to the 4Th floor. When Jaime, Dean and I arrived they made me aware that I would have to wait in the waiting room until further notified, what a bummer. So that is where is sat for the next 55 minutes until Candy and her grandmother arrived. After we sat their patiently with grumbling bellies, we decide to go grab a bite from the hospital cafe. When we got back to the waiting room Mr. Townsend (Jaime's Daddy) was walking out from seeing the happy couple. She had her iv's and everything done and they were taking her back to the operating room. So it was about 7:05 and every single minute until 8:09 when I seen Dean coming went as slow as they possibly could. Every time I would hear a door open, or the voice of a man, I would jump up, camera in hand saying there he is. I just couldn't wait, for once the anticipation was getting to me. So around 8, I just couldn't take it anymore, so i hopped up and ran to the door that dean would be exiting with Baby Zane in hand, and peeked through small cracks of the paper covered window hoping to catch a glance of what I had been waiting the last 9 months for. No Dean, no Zane is all I seen, but I kept looking, and then as my eyes swelled with tears I seen him. I started jumping up and down letting everyone know he was coming, I was so excited I could hardly stand it. I had the biggest rush of over whelming joy come over me, I was sooo extremely happy for my friend. Everything she wanted, was finally here. Jaime has been blessed with a wonderful husband, but the past year hadn't been so great. Everyone needs a pick me up, and I truly believe holding that baby boy was hers. So, we all followed Dean to the nursery to watch Baby Z be checked. They checked all 10 of his little fingers, all 10 of his little toes, and went over every aspect of his adorable little body to make sure everything was just how it was supposed to be.

After standing there and taking a million and one pictures of Mr. Zane it was time for Daddy to take his new found love to meet Mommy. We were told once again to wait in the waiting room, but i just wanted to see Jaime.. So after about 15 long minutes I heard the golden ticket over the intercom, The bare family can now come in, Yay,, I was soo happy, so of course me being the emotional person I am, started crying again, and ran down the hallway as fast as i could to get to her.

When I walked in the room, my joy overwhelmed me once again, and i walked to her bed to give her a hug,, it was the sweetest thing i had seen in a long long time, A beautiful mother holding her precious little boy. The look on her face was so sweet, and she was glowing. We all visited with Jaime and Dean, and as everyone left, Dean went to take Baby Bare back to the nursery to visit with the pediatrician for all of his shots and what not. I helped Jaime get into her new room and we spent the rest of the day realizing and spending time together, it was just Me, Jamie, Dean and little man. I held baby Z for about 45 minutes while he caught up on some of his interrupted snoozing time. It was such a great day, and a memory that will last a lifetime. I will never forget that sweet little cry of his I heard for the first time. There is no sweeter sound than the sound of a new born babies cry.

He arrived to this world at 7:41 AM on November the 19, 2008 weighing 8 lbs and 1 oz measuring 20 1/2 inches long with an adorable bald hear bearing a slight amount of reddish blond peach fuzz... =)

I wish the Bare Family the best of luck, and hope to be involved in a million more of little Zane's days on this earth. Thank your for letting me be there with y'all and share that special day with you...

I love y'all..

Aunt Britt Britt =)

Video,, Compliments of the great Aunt Candy!! =)

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

“Be still, and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10)

So Sunday Michael and I got up and went to church. Must I say the sermon was amazing, and it really felt as if the preacher was talking to me. Don't you just love when you receive such a blessing. Most of you that read my blog know whats been going on in my life lately, and how it's been a struggle to follow GOD, and live within his will for my life. Well guess what the sermon was about, “Be still, and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10). It was about being quite and listening to what God is trying to tell you.

If you have never heard the story of Joshua and the Walls of Jericho, be sure to read it, Its in the Book of Joshua, Chapter 15 and 16... Just google, Joshua and the walls of Jericho and you can read all about it... It was a great story of no matter how crazy it may sound God's way is the right way.


After Church Dean got the great Idea of going wake boarding in the freezing cold water.. So here are some pics of that.. =)

Tomorrow is the day for Mr. Zane.. I know i keep mentioning this, but i am overly excited.. =)

Who's your daddy!!

So,,, Saturday after working all day long =(, Michael and I went out with friends for Dean and Jaime's last night out before Baby Zane's arrival. It was so great to be with the old gang, and catch up on what's been going on in every ones life. When you get older, it gets harder and harder to spend time with friends, but boy did we have a great time. I think the funniest part of the night was when Buster bought the cook a shot, and the cook looked at him and said ahh you are trying to take me home, and whacked the grill with his metal spatula repeatedly yelling WHOS YOUR DADDY, WHOS YOUR DADDY, it was definitely one of those you would of had to been there moments, but I laughed harder than I have laughed in a long time. I experience 2 new things that night, sushi and Saki, which might add were both HORRIBLE!

Only a few more days until Mr. Zane Bare will be here,, yay!

Friday, November 14, 2008

And then came Dixie

So,, Last night when I got off work, I went to the sitter to pick little miss dixie up... She is such a sweet sweet baby. Me and her went home and laid on the couch,, just cuddling. You wouldn't imagine that an 8 month old would be soo much fun, but boy are they... She laid on her tummy on my chest for an hour while we waited patiently for her mommy to arrive... I enjoyed every minute I got to spend with her. I cant wait til she's able to speak and tell me what's on her mind.. =)

I love me some dixie cheyenne..


Thank your for being a friend...

In life you are lucky if you find that one person to call a true best friend. I indeed am very LUCKY. I was born with a brother, which I adore, he's not just the average everyday brother, he is my Best Friend. The word best friend means more than the definition for it (Best Friend, someone (singular or plural) with whom one shares the strongest possible kind of friendship.) It means having someone you can pour your heart out to, not matter how long it takes and they listen to every single word of it. It's knowing that if you ever needed something, no matter how far away they were, it would be done. It's knowing that you are appreciated, and very special to them.

I have been truly truly blessed, and when everything else is going the wrong way for me in life, I reflect back on all of the positives, and thank god for every day he has blessed me with a best friend. Without my brother, this life, would be so different. He has helped me through so many hard times I have faced.
A letter from my heart, to my bubba!

Word's cannot express how thankful I am to have such a special person in my life. You are the most inspiring, Strong willed, young man I have ever known. You have yet to experience all the many great things in life, and I hope and pray that along every step of your journey you always remember the special bond me and you have with each other. I will always be here for you, no matter what. You know that all you have to do is pick up your phone and I will stop what I am doing to tend to you, because nothing Josh, is more important than you. Thank your for every sweet word you have every said to me which brought a smile to my face, or a tear to my eye.. I will never forget all of of many memories, a few to be mentioned, All Time Low, Josh that was such an amazing night with you, I will always hold on to and cherish that night, for the rest of my life.. The Golden Girls,, =),, Thank you for tolerating every lame episode you had to endure to make me happy.. I will never forget when we were younger, probably around 2ND grade, you had done all of your valentine cards, and made everybody one, except me. I remember going into my bedroom and crying and you walked by, and seen the look on my face, and disappeared for over an hour. As it was time for me to get in bed, you came in my room and knocked on the door saying Sissy, in the sweetest little voice, You began speaking stating how sorry you was my feelings had been hurt, and you had a surprise for me, You Josh, had spent an hour on the cutest homemade valentines day card, which I would give anything to still have. I also remember one year for my birthday you wrote a letter stating the 10 things you love about me... Josh, it's all those little memories and moments we have shared that make us the adults we are today. Please never loose sight of who you are and what got you to the point you are at in life. You are strong and can do anything you put your mind to, and is music is your dream and desire, I know you will make it. Keep pushing and most of all, put your faith in God and he will lead you and for fill all the desires of your heart.

I love you Joshua James Card, from the bottom to the top of my heart. =)

Love always and for eternity- Your sissy!

Words to remember
Date: November 3, 2008

So it's 4:45 AM and I was going to text you but I didn't want to wake you up because I know you have work tomorrow, and you need your sleep.But I just wanted to let you know that I love you, Brittany. I don't tell you this enough, but I do. Your one of the only people who have always been there for me my entire life, no matter what I'm doing and where I am. I miss you so much and it sucks that we had to grow up and never really see each other anymore. But, I'm so damn proud of you and everything you have become. Your the most beautiful, caring, hard working, fun, and awesome sisters a guy could ask for. I'm so happy your life is going good, because I've seen you for 20 years and I know that you deserve every little bit of happiness you get, and every smile that's put on your face. I can't wait till the day I have a little girl and she can look up to her Aunt Brittany for inspiration, the way I've always looked up to you as my big sister. I'm sorry I haven't always been the best brother in the world, but I give you my word that I've always loved you more than anything, and I would lay my life down for you without hesitation. I will always be here for you, no matter where I am or what I'm doing, I will always be here. Thank you for helping me become the man that I am, and still growing into.I love you. -Your Bubba ..

Date: July 15, 2008
(When I woke up this morning, this was what I read on my cell phone.. My brother is out of town,, but it made my day wonderful and i love himmmmm sooo veryyy much!!!!)

Happy Birthday! I love you and I'm sorry I'm not there. You're the best sister in this world, and the best thing a brother could ask for. Thank you for always being there for me, and I promise to always do the same.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

i would die for that!!

Well,, what can I said, this week have been a long, rough, emotional ride for me... I feel as if things are getting harder, but I think I am just feeling feeling my emotions this week. Watch the video on my page, its a song that truly sums up the way I feel... My laptop is about to die though, so more tomorrow..

nite nite my loves..

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Finding the peace within my heart

Just when everything seems to be going your way, you come to a point where you realize you are living for yourself, and making your own decisions... I am at that point right now, as much as I want to pay for my medicine today and start it, I am going to practice patience. The peace I once felt about ovulation induction, I no longer have. I feel that this is God's way of telling me it's not the right time. So I am going to continue to pray, and pray about this, and when it's time, then I will make that decision. As a wife, I want to focus all my attention on making the wonderful marriage I already have, even better. I want to know that when I bring a child into this world, they know beyond a Shadow of a doubt, their mommy and daddy are madly and truly in love, and couldn't wait to have them. I think maybe in January after the new year, we will try then. I am placing my impatience, my worries, my hopes, and most of all the hardest thing to place, my wants in God. It's hard when you want something right now, and you have the money, to not do it, but I feel in my heart that if I listen to what God is trying to tell me, and do things his way, I will get what I want sooner, rather than doing it my way and it taking forever... So for now,, no babies for Mr. and Mrs. Bell, only undivided attention to work on our hearts, and remind our self each and every day, why we fell in love.. Gosh I love that boy,, and sometimes we get distracted and get comfortable in our relationships, but I know in my heart that he is what I need ultimately, and I am so thankful to have so a wonderful kind hearted loving man. What a lucky girl I am... I know it's easy in life to focus on the negative but we need to learn to praise God and rejoice in all them positives he gives us... I am 22, I have a good job, a great husband, a brother who is my BEST FRIEND, and a mom and dad that I love with everything I have... It's been a rocky 22 years, but I can say without any hesitation, that I have enjoyed every single minute of it... Can you say that??

With Love-


Monday, November 10, 2008

matching words to my feelings

Sometimes you often try to explain yourself, but the words never seem to truly express what your heart feels. The last year has been a struggle for me, trying to maintain working a 40 hour plus work week, and still find time to clean house, cook dinner, wash dishes, or even time for ME.. I sometimes feel like I am walking on a rope, teetering to the left, tottering to the right, trying to keep that balance of standing in the middle... I am learning though with age comes patience, and with patience comes hope. For those of you that don't know, I have a severe case of PCOS, which is also known as Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome. For some people, pcos, can be no big deal, with the smallest effects such as missed periods, or extreme acne, but for me I face much larger obstacles as the owner of this disease. It all started as a teen with the occasional missed period, puberty acne, slight weight gain, then it turned into extreme weight gain, horrible scarring acne, no periods... Now at 22, as a wife wanting to be a mother, I have been told, after vigorous testing trying to see why I am not conceiving, the answer was, Mrs. Bell, I am sorry but your body is not producing eggs properly in your ovaries. We are going to have to proceed with further testing. Yay, not.. =) **grinning** The final result as of last Tuesday, I have eggs, but part of possessing pcos is your body produces WAY to much insulin, which causes the eggs to under develop, which causes the eggs to never mature which would mean no need for the ovary to release the egg to advance onto fertilization (hence I am not ovulating, and it takes mommy + daddy + intercourse @ the time of ovulation to = baby).... So, my first ? after feeling my stomach drop to the floor was, OK, I can handle this, whats the solution to my problem, lets get past the problem and find a answer... That's me working on my new profound outlook on life, BEING POSITIVE, =)... Well, I have several options, Adoptions, IVF, Artificial Insemination, and then the one I choose,, OI (ovulation induction)... After a long course of discussing all the pros's and con's with the Dr and Michael, we decide to give it a shot. After all, why not... I keep going back to, if it's in God's will it will happen, but then I think about the fact that, God, what a great God, gave us amazing minds, and has blessed us with people who carry the knowledge of helping people like ME who face infertility... If you are unfamiliar with FSH it's a follicle stimulating hormone, the particular medicine my Dr wants me to use is called Follistim. What would happen is, I would start a round of Provera, (which makes your body have a period, since I don't have them naturally) then on the last day of my cycle (period) I would begin the first FSH shot, which would go in my lower abdomen... After 5 days with 1 shot per day, I would go to the Dr and they will do a ultrasound to view my eggs, hopefully by the then they will be nice and mature and ready for release, if not I would continue the shots for 2-3 more days and then go back to check. Once the eggs are mature and ready for release, I would inject myself with a different shot called HCG, which would cause the egg to release. Then you proceed with intercourse for 3 days, and then its time to play the waiting game... Take a prego test, if it's positive YAY, if not, then dust your self off, and try again the next month. After being tickled pink and completely excited about trying this process, I came to a abrupt halt on the happy roller coaster,, Aetna has decided to deny coverage on the meds.. =( not so happy Brittany!! I cried for a solid hour on the way home from the
Dr. I was completely devastated.. So once again, I am trying to be positive, next solution to my big problem, how much is self pay, (my thinking it can't be too terribly much)... **sarcastic face** For the 900 Vial of Follistim
 I need, it will run me around $700, for the 2 week kit of Luprolide I am looking at $75, then we have the Novarel at $125, and last but not least the HCG Injection at $85. So for one cycle, it will cost me $985, and it may or may not work... Some people conceive the first time and others don't. So its a hit or miss deal, and I am trying to decide is this something I really want to try. Of course when insurance was covering it, that was a totally different story, but now, right here at Christmas, in order to try and for fill my desire of being a mother, I am going to have to pay that large amount to try and get a shot a being a mommy... So this is where I am at in my life.. All I can do is pray and hope for the best. It's really beginning to take a toll on my life here lately, and the worst is having no one to talk to, who understands what I am going through. I am so tired of hearing if its what god wants it will happen, when you stop trying is when it happens, when you least expect it, just don't worry about it, unless you have been to this point, felt what I feel, and hurt the way I am hurting, you don't really know. Everyone that surrounds me is living my dream, it seems like when you are trying everyone is getting pregnant, but like i said my goal and my desire is to be positive, and thankful for what i do have.. Just the other night, sitting there with my hand on Jaime's tummy, and feeling that ball of life moving around was super amazing and heart felt for me.. It brings me hope that maybe just one day, I will experience that. I am super happy for all my preggers friends... All i am saying is don't complain about all of the not so enjoyable happenings, enjoy and rejoice in the fact that you are able to feel that flutter, or experience that head bunt, lol,, because sooner than later you are going to be looking into the eyes of that beautiful child and think, man, it was really all worth it... Good luck to all and congrats are in order next week for the welcoming of Mr. Zane Bare.. Yay!! I can't wait..

PS: Thank you for taking the time to read my heart...